Biograph Review

19720901-09Hi, kiddo’s, hope you are all well and are making the best of the Summer. Time flies doesn’t it, I just can’t believe this is issue No. 6 of this lovely paper, and that yours truly still hasn’t run out of words. But there is so much happening, isn’t there?

Mind you, some people get it better than others. Here I am slaving away week in, week out, seeing all those films at the Bio, then having to write my little piece about what films are showing in the future. And of course I have my own little life to lead as well. But as I was saying, some people certainly do have it better than others. That David Seligman gets all the invites to the press showings of new films and I haven’t even had it suggested to me that I might like to try my hand at previews. It’s not fair. You get drinkies and goodies after the press showings as well, and you can rub shoulders with all those famous reviewers like Alexander ‘upyours-Ken-Russell’ Walker and Dilys ‘ever-so-arty’ Powell.

I do hear though that there will be a ticket for me to see the trade showing of Tales from the Crypt. What an honour.

You wouldn’t believe it would you, but people are still bitching me about my Bio column. Look dears, you don’t have to read me if you don’t want to. Julian knows your sort. Why don’t you just turn straight to the personal ads page and leave me to do my thing in peace. We all know that you miseries who are always complaining about this and that in this paper only buy it for the personal ads anyway.

Now for all you dears who like to be informed about what’s on at our own little haven, the Bio, here’s the run-down on what’s showing during the next couple of weeks.

A very saucy and thrilly bunch of celluloid goodies they are too. On Thursday 7th September, for three days, the main feature is Baby Love, starring Ann Lynn and Linda Hayden. It’s all about this young lady who manages to have ‘intimate’ relationships with every member of a family household. Best of luck girl, I say. I’d do the same myself if I got the chance It’s a load of rubbish but it’s fun. A fast moving outdoor action film called The Hell Benders completes the programme. It stars Joseph Cotton, who is bent on showing his years of experience in the movie industry.

Peking Medallion is the film showing on Sunday 10th September. This stars Robert Stack and Elke Sommer, and is an exciting spy thriller. Support is Cosa Nostra — Arch Enemy of the F.B.I. with Efrem Zimbalist Jnr. and Walter Pidgeon in the cast. Efrem is of course star of The F.B.I. series currently being shown on the commercial television channels. The film is about the F B.I.’s struggle against the dreaded Mafia, and as we all know the struggle is still going on against that insidious criminal disease, which unfortunately is still growing all the time.

Monday 11th September, for three days, has Fragment of Fear as top of the bill. David Hemming and super Flora Robson are the stars, and the film is quite a good thriller. Second feature is Run Virgin Run which sounds very naughty. Personally I stopped running a long time ago, but apparently the leading lady in this soft-porn epic, Helga Tolle, is still on the move. Don’t hold much hope for her in this day and age.

Alex Cord and Brin Eckland (Peter Sellers’ ex-wife) perform together in Stiletto on Thursday 14th September. This is another thriller and not a particularly memorable one at that. Also showing is A Time for Giving, which marks the return of David Jansen to the Bio’s screen. And I leave it to your imaginations to guess at what David is giving.

Sunday fare on 17th September is Naked Runner, supported by Countdown. The former stars the ageing, now retired, playboy Frank Sinatra (he’s reputedly a few other things too but I’d get myself sued if I mentioned them). The film is worth watching if you have nothing better to do. The latter features James Cann, and I believe it’s a thriller. Incidentally, Frank Sinatra has been in the news recently for two reasons, firstly because of the fortune he spent on a successful hair graft operation and also because he has had to give evidence at an enquiry into Mafia business activities in America.

Do you Want to Remain a Virgin Forever? is sure to intrigue us all on Monday 18th September. I know I couldn’t wait to lose my little rosebud. It makes me feel old trying to remember with whom I overcame that difficulty, does it you? Legend of the Witches is support feature. This is a documentary featuring self-styled King of the Witches, Alex Sanders. The film in fact is a boring tit-bum-and-thingy saga, purporting to let you know the inside story of the witchcraft cult in this country. Yawn, yawn, where’s another thingy to look at please.

Well, dears, that’s it for this issue. Must go now, I’m having a drink with one of the gentlemen from Bona News Service. Don’t forget though, give yourselves a treat and have a little relax in the gloom at our haven at Victoria. Take care.

The Biograph, Wilton Road, Victoria, London SW1.

Thursday 7th September
Baby Love : X : Ann Lynn & Linda Hayden
The Hell Benders : X : Joseph Cotten

Sunday 10th September
Peking Medallion : A : Robert Stack & Elka Sommer
Cosa Nostra – Arch Enemy Of The F.B.I. : A: Efrem Zimbalist Jnr. & Walter Pidgeon.

Monday 11th September
Fragment Of Fear : A A : David Hemming & Flora Robson
Run Virgin Run : X : Helga Tolle

Thursday 14th September
Stiletto : X : Alex Cord & Britt Ekland
A Time For Giving : A : David Jannsen

Sunday 17th September
Naked Runner : U : Frank Sinatra Countdown : U : James Cann

Monday 18th September
Do You Want To Remain A Virgin Forever? : X :
Legend Of The Witches : X :

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