I do like Christmas, it’s the hassles beforehand that I can’t stand. I like it in spite of Christmas cards from people I hate and had hoped didn’t have my address. I hate the frightening possibility that they might be silly enough to arrive unannounced and expect drinks, mixed nuts and good will. I resent having to lay in a bottle of cheap sherry for the occasions.
Thank God they only last for an uneasy half-hour with nobody saying much, after the inevitable joke about the turkey has been laughed at noisily, by whoever said it and his affair.
I hate the garbage in the stores which you can buy any old day of the year, suddenly masquerading in even more gaudy packaging as suitable Christmas gifts.
I loathe it when the greengrocer round the corner appears to stock only assorted citrus fruits, nuts and sprouts.
I got annoyed last year when I spent two fruitless (pardon the pun) days searching for fresh chestnuts to shove in the goddam turkey and ended up with two cans instead.
Apart from all this I do enjoy the three days of the holiday. It’s nice when everything’s well organised, lots of really good food the superior booze the guests didn’t get, presents, some of them deliberately silly, most good although I generally spend Christmas only with the people I really like who know me very well.
And it is nice to be properly indulgent and lazy, forgetting all your problems for a few days in being piggy. It’s really pleasant to sit in front of the colour telly (I do love colour, it makes the bad programmes really hysterical) and get stewed.
People do get a great deal more relaxed and therefore pleasanter to be with, so in spite of the last minute panics, the high pressure sales displays, it’s a nice comforting time. I like it – so there, David Seligman!