Christmas Extensions

LONDON: As we know that a fair number of gays in the West London area will be around over the Christmas period, we thought you might like details of the holiday extensions the most popular of the pubs in this area will be having.

In fact the four main pubs, The Colherne and The Boltons in Earl’s Court, The Champion at Notting Hill Gate, and the Queen’s Head in Tryon Street, Chelsea, will all be having the same extensions. They are: Christmas Eve, till midnight; Boxing Day, also till midnight; and New Years Eve, till 12.30 am.

Please check with the pubs yourselves to see if they are open at all on Christmas Day.

The Wrong People

Shooting of the film version of Robin Maugham’s famous gay novel “The Wrong People” will start early next year. The screenplay has been written by Murray Smith and the film will be made entirely on location in Morocco.

Hollywood star Sal Mineo, who now lives in London, will be directing the film. This is his first appearance on the other side of the camera.

The story of ‘The Wrong People’ tells of a rich gay living in Tangiers, who uses his influence on a timid, closeted schoolteacher to procure him a boy from the approved school at which he teaches.

If the screenplay does not differ too much from the original, it should make for an interesting movie and give our censor of celluloid a few headaches.

Quaking In Our Platform Boots

J. Martin Stafford B.A. — the Enoch Powell of CHE — has struck again, though whether his efforts will produce a resounding silence or a mighty reverberation remains to be seen. For J. Martin Stafford B.A., a member of the present Executive Committee of CHE has, we understand, sent a personal letter to Lord Longford and the Director of Public Prosecutions suggesting they initiate action against Gay News.

This information was received in the Gay News office with wonder and amazement. For a start everyone immediately put their clothes on again. The lusty Julian decided to cut the Biograph for the afternoon and to take his knitting into St James Park instead. Our David Bowie LPs were flown at half mast and we ensured that all Warhol movies being shown that evening were halted for two minutes of silence. “With friends like that who needs enemies?” simmered Timeless Maureen the resident rad fem and “Who is J. Martin Stafford B.A. anyway?” cried Denis, rapidly covering his tattoos with Max Factor foundation (peach).

J. Martin Stafford B.A., who has been 23, is one of the best-known leaders of the homophile community. He lives in a modest bachelor flat on Manchester’s less than smart periphery and his low standard of living is fully compensated for by his High Moral Tone. Mr Stafford’s greatest friend is the Scottish historian and philosopher David Hume (1711-1776) who has had a seminal effect on Mr Stafford, notably in his lavish use of commas, colons and semi-colons. Hume has also trained Mr Stafford to perfect a prose style of some grandeur and resonance and this 18th century pastiche quite often obscures the extreme poverty of thought and stunted imagination in the words themselves. Mr Hume was unavailable for comment when we rang him at his remote Scottish manse, but the housekeeper confirmed that Mr Stafford’s favourite meal consists of undercooked tea and overcooked omelettes.

It is J. Martin Stafford’s personal mission to impose his own moral views on every homosexual in the entire world. “I entertain a very marked preference for personal relationships of a relatively stable nature, in which the parties are activated by more than a desire to satisfy their sexual appetites”, he pontificates. “Some would have us believe that all moral values have been imposed on us by the artifice of unscrupulous priests and ruthless politicians”, adds the 2’6″ guru.

J. Martin Stafford has had an interesting career in CHE. He joined the organisation five years ago after being counselled by the Albany Trust, and overnight became Hon. Treasurer of the Committee. At first he was a ruthless opponent of any sort or democratisation of the organisation. People would travel miles to witness the little fellow stamping his feet and spitting at Committee meetings when the concept of a constitution came up. However, he changed his mind when he discovered that the growing organisation was not attracting the radical, political element he so fears.

He discovered that his reactionary views and High Moral Tone were finding favour with many members and he was promptly and properly elected onto the re-formed Executive Committee by a substantial majority.

“Philosophical training has rendered my position more reflective”, is the way in which he expresses his opportunism.

Nevertheless, mough now democratically elected to the EC, J. Martin Stafford B.A. made it his business to oppose every decision and, when out-voted, to try devious methods of bringing his colleagues into disrepute. On one celebrated occasion, furious that the EC had unanimously (apart from him) agreed to ask Kenneth Tynan to be a vice-president of CHE, J. Martin Stafford B.A. called a meeting of the existing vice-president himself in an attempt to persuade them to override this decision. He declined an invitation from the rest of the EC for his resignation, but ceased to be treasurer.

“My own experience,” he says, “leads me to conclude that most people are quite happy to accept homosexuals who subscribe to the same basic standards of public decency and personal responsibility as everyone else at least professes.”

One of his hobbies is writing letters to people in which he slanders his colleagues.

“Homosexuals whose public behaviour is offensive or whose private behaviour is irresponsible will always be regarded with aversion and disgust,” he writes. And the man who is trying to get Gay News prosecuted says: “It is not their homosexuality which renders them objectionable, but the grossness of their conduct and the inhumanity of their disposition.”

Bona News Service

NOTE: all the quotes in this article are taken from a paper called ‘Can CHE be morally neutral?’ by J. Martin Stafford B.A., with additional material by David Hume.

Varda Our Ken

Kenneth Williams will be returning to the West End stage in November in a new comedy called My Fat Friend. Attractive and very slim Jennie Linden plays the fat friend of the title, writes Michael Owen.

The comedy is a first play by Charles Laurence. Rehearsals started in London on 16th October. The director is Eric Thompson, who also staged two current West End hits — Time and Time Again and Journey’s End.

The production will be premiered at Brighton before opening in an as yet unspecified London theatre in mid-November.

Welcome back, Kenneth. Gay News will be reviewing the play when it reaches London, but would welcome a review from any Brighton reader who manages to see My Fat Friend in Brighton.

To London

From a Rector’s notes in a Gloucestershire parish magazine: ‘Choirboys. They are all going on an outing, probably to London, on August 22nd. It occurs to me that since we have no funds to cover the cost of this there might be the odd person who could care to sponsor this trip. Good fairies should contact me.’

Labour Weekly

Not Gay

19721001-05The Carousel Club in Panton Street, London W1, on being approached for a possible writeup, said. “It’s absolutely pointless you coming down here. This isn’t a gay club. It’s rather mixed. You must be thinking of somewhere else. It isn’t gay at all, really!”

And that was after the guy who originally answered the phone had told him (in a whisper) not to be too unkind. Thank you very much.

VIOLENT ALICE

19720914-04Poor Alice Cooper is in trouble, they/him have run foul of Mrs Mary Whitehouse over their latest single, “School’s Out”. The television film which was shown with the playing of the record on ‘Top of the Pops’ was also damned by Mrs Whitehouse and her flock, the National Viewers and Listeners Association.

The dear lady has been telling tales to the Home Secreatry about the naughty Director of Public Prosecutions, Sir Norman Skelhorn, who apparently has taken no action over Mrs M’s heated complaints about Alice and his/their record.

It’s all the DPP’s fault though, according to our moral-protector. His office is grossly understaffed to cope with the growing volume of complaints about violence and sexually perverted material she reports, and goes on to say that Alice’s record “held violent and anarchistic connotations”. The DPP being so busy that he didn’t even try to see the ‘Top of the Pops’ film was something else she told anyone who would listen, in this case the Home Secretary’s office. She further stated that the police were powerless to act because of the DPP’s ineffectiveness.

Amidst all the obscenity, and the “permissiveness of the DPP’s office” taking place at a furious pace all around us, Mrs M is fighting a long and hard battle to stamp it out.

Other interests of hers include a ‘healthy’ involvement in the crusade of the Festival-of-Lighters. That streamlined organisation is well
known for its anti-gay tendencies. One of their earlier accomplices is the star of Sunday television religious hour, Malcolm Muggeridge. That gentleman is infamous for his now epic remark “1 don’t like homosexuals”. This ‘delightful’ phrase was delivered as a result of him forgetting his lines, amongst other things, during a speech he was making at the Festival-of-Lighters opening ceremony at the Central Hall, Westminster, in 1971.

If you ask me Mrs M is suffering from a bad case of ‘wet and twisted knickers’

Ban On Cliff

19720901-04Believe it or not, our own very special Cliff ‘Livin’ Doll’ Richard has been reportedly banned from performing in Singapore next month. The reason given was his long hair

The 32-year-old ex-rock ‘n’ roller is understood to have had his, and his five-man backing group’s application for a visit refused for the same reason, according to Singapore’s afternoon newspaper New Nation. Cliff Richard, although still popular, is not renowned for having flowing locks and all that mistakenly implies.

One wonders if Val Doonican will be banned from Hong Kong, and God help David Bowie on his forthcoming trip to Australia.

Cliff, who is touring Israel, commented “If Singapore bans me I shall simply carry on to Tokyo and forget the whole thing.”

“I’m not going to get a haircut. Is this long?” remarking, that is, on his fashionably styled hair, which is considered short by our own standards.

Keep it growing Cliff, for as long as you are able. One wonders if this thought has ever crossed Cliff’s mind, “Did Jesus ever have this trouble?”

Snippets

19720901-07We thought you would all like to know that Gay News is now regularly despatched off to the British Museum. It goes into their archives for posterity. So now we’ll become a little piece of history. Only heaven knows what the future will think of us.

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Which CHE group in West London has orgies and blue movie shows on Good Fridays? Send your answers on a postcard to Julian D. Grinspoon.

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In a future issue of Gay News we hope to bring you an interview with Lou Reed, ex-lead guitarist and chief song-writer with New York’s Velvet Underground rock group. Lou, who is now living in this country is currently recording his second album here for RCA. The record is being produced by David Bowie. In a recent Melody Maker interview Lou described himself as a ‘bisexual chauvinist pig’. One wonders what that means? All will be revealed in our interview we hope. When Lou completes his present recording commitments, he will begin playing live dates across the country.

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Recently in London from the USA was the Motor Cycle Club of New York. Our man in Earls Court reported seeing large numbers of the club’s members in the Colherne on the evening of Thursday 24th August. On being asked where they were headed next, their ‘leader’ replied “Russia”. Good luck and Bon Voyage, see you all next year.

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Incidentally, The Colherne is changing managers at the end of August. The new managers, a married couple, take over on 1st September. We hope they will settle in without too much trouble. To them too, we wish the best of luck. We trust that the pub’s regulars will be patient with them. And to Jeff, the manager who is leaving, we wish all the best in the future and thanks for the improvements that have happened whilst he has been at the pub.

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And don’t forget, people, Bass-Charrington have a welcome for all behind those bright red doors of theirs. So their ads say anyway.

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Competion Corner: When CHE stands up to speechify at Speakers’ Corner, why do two handsome young poicemen stand in the front of the crowd with their arms folded high across their chests ? Writers of the first 5,000 correct solutions opened will receive prizes of pocket tape recorders.

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If you hear any little bits of gossip or chatty pieces of news, give us a ring at the Gay News office.