The Grinspoon Gourmet Column

This Week — Orgy Food for Pouffy Parties

Well, my loves, my charming bosses (ooh and are they bossy!) have given little me the honour of presenting you with just a few tiny ideas to make your sugar mummies and daddies happy over the festive season (you’ll need sugar daddies to make some of these ‘dishes’ or you’ll be ‘up the Yangtse’ for the rest of the year! Never mind though, I hope to tell you all about budgets in the New Yearette) but I got out of it by getting my lovely Aunty Hilda to write it for me.

Miss Hilda Grinspoon’s Hints For Parties

That naughty nephew of mine has been badgering me for a few recipes for his comic. He’s a ‘doll’ really, but he does go on so!

Well, he tells me he wants some aphrodisiac* recipes to get his parties to go with a swing.

I can’t think why because whenever I’ve been to them they’ve been the sort of affairs where one can’t hear oneself think for Mick Jaguar records blaring out the sort of noises associated with the local abbattoir – or a Turkish brothel – (Oh I’ve been around a bit you know – I took young Julian in 1967 to a lovely place in Constantinople, oh, we had a lot of fun). Last time it was so hot I just had to go and compose myself in his bathroom – but unfortunately it was fully occupied. It looked like the wrestling scene from that Jane Russell film. Women In Love.

I could swear I saw that lovely Mr Reed in there, as large as life and twice as active. Ah well, you young things really know how to enjoy yourselves. We claimed to have done a thousand things in my heyday, but I’ve never actually met anyone who’s done the Black Bottom, we were all much too prejudiced. But I wander – well I did find some ideas for food to tickle the palate – a friend of a friend of that lovely Norman Douglas gave me one or two hints from his vast store of knowledge. But for aphrodisiac food you’ve got to be in the mood – and that’s half the battle!

(*He spells it afro-disiac)

Drunkard’s Soup (Soupe a l’Ivrogne) —

Julian’s naughty uncle used to have gallons of this when he lived in a Paris garret in the ’20’s. It’s supposed to sober you up!

Thinly slice 1 lb of onions (Spanish easiest) and cook them in a heavy-bottomed pan until soft and transparent. (Don’t let them brown). Season with fresh ground pepper, add two-thirds pint of beef stock, simmering 15 mins. (If you use a stock cube, simmer first with an onion, carrot, some parsley and two sticks of celery for 10 to 15 mins. It’s called ‘improving’) – sieve and then use. Then add ½ bottle of champagne – the better the champagne the better the soup. Let it come to simmering point (below boiling point) then take the whole rind off half a camembert cheese, cut it into thin slices and float these on top to form a covering. Bake in oven preheated to gas mark 7 or 425F for 20 mins. After 15 mins add some dried breadcrumbs to soak up the fat and return to oven. Serves four amply

Anchovy Toast —

(Anchovies have long been famed for their lust-provoking virtues) Cut some slices of bread, toast nicely, trim to any shape required. Have ready a hot water plate (you could put mixture into a bowl, place in a pan of very hot water) on which put four ounces of butter; let it melt; add the yolks of four raw eggs, one tablespoon of anchovy sauce (good delicatessens and Fortnum’s should have it Nepaul (Cayenne) pepper to taste. Mix all well together, dip toast in, both sides; let it well soak into the mixture. Serve very hot, piled on a dish and garnished with parsley.

Sweet and Sour Pork –

(a pleasant change for Christmas fare)

A. 1 lb loin of pork (expensive cut!)
1 tbsp. Sake (Chinese/Jap) or dry sherry.
2 tbsps. soy sauce (most delicatessens)
2 tbsps flour
1 tbsp cornflour (supermarkets etc)
Oil for deep frying (large pan)

B. 3 green peppers, quartered, seeded.
1 round onion (4oz quartered)
1 carrot (4oz cut into small wedges and boiled 8 mins)
1 bamboo shoot cut into small wedges (tinned – delicatessens, supermarkets)
2 slices pineapple (tinned, each quartered)
5 tbsps oil

C. 6 tbsps sugar
4 tbsps soy sauce
1 tbsp wine or dry sherry
2 tbsps wine vinegar
4 tbsps tomato sauce
1 tbsp cornflour mixed with ½ teacup water

1 Cut up pork into 1 x ½ inch cubes and mix well with other ingredients, except oil.

2 Fry pork in deep oil until crisp and golden brown. Turn out onto plate.

3 Heat frying pan (the bigger and heavier-bottomed the better) add 5 tbsps oil and saute B ingredients. (To saute is to fry quickly without burning ie stirring well)

4 Mix C ingredients in bowl and add to sauteed B ingredients in pan.

5 When mixture boils up, add mixed cornflour, stirring all the time (use a wooden spoon-

6 Add the fried pork and mix well. Serve hot. (Good with plain boiled rice)

Julian says there’s nothing like hot pork and when I said it was to be sweet and sour he said, ‘Oh well there’s no accounting for taste’ – half the time he talks in riddles – but they always gobble it up at his parties. I’ve always enjoyed a bit of pork, it’s so versatile.

The dear boy had to have this recipe included, he says it reminds him of ‘Halcyon days with the Navy’. I can’t think why – he was too young for national service…

Bananas in Navy Rum

Two bananas each.

Slice the bananas longways, putting them into a well-buttered dish (fire-proof) sprinkling them well with brown sugar. Put another layer of bananas and repeat until full, then sprinkle sugar over top, pour dark Navy-type rum over the top at the rate of one tablespoonful per banana. Dot it with butter and bake in the oven for 30 minutes at about gas mark 4-5 or 370-390F.

Julian assures me I’m writing all this for ‘a load of old qeens’ but old queens don’t read comics – at least I hope they’re above that sort of thing, although I heard Prince Charles has been known to browse through the occasional Dandy and Beano…

Julian’s Column

Ooow dears, hasn’t it been cold lately? I’ve started wearing my gloves — knitted by an old dearly loved friend of mine called George — weeks before I usually do. I’ve been thinking of getting one of those hairy Afghan coats, in white, but they are a bit too much really. But as that lady says on the television, ‘Naughty, but I like it.’

Sorry to disappoint you all, but the Biograph has not got back to its usual form yet. By that I mean the films in future programmes are less than exciting. But at least the temperature there is fairly constant, know what I mean loves? For those though that are into men, as men are supposed to be according to Playboy and other mags full of nude ladies, Cliff ‘Sock it to me’ Robertson and William ‘Got it all here’ Holden show off their celluloid masculinity in Devil’s Brigade, which is the Sunday special on 3rd December. Support, for those who care, is Kill A Dragon (the Bio’s manager, Mr Wheelan, ought to watch this) and displays the talents of that sexy latin lover Fernando ‘Tango’ Lames and Jack ‘You can be in my film’ Palance.

That’s all about the Bio till next issue, so here’s a bit about my experiences during the last couple of weeks. And not the sort you lot think either.

I was at the Masquerade Club in Earl’s Court the other night and saw Mark Fleming performing. What a wicked lady she is. I’m glad I’m not a member of the Royal Family, I can do without the type of slagging she gives all the Queens, Duchesses and Princes. I noticed that she’s making a lot of cracks about the Bio. She apparently spends most of her time there in a cubicle in the ‘Ladies’. Wonder why, it must be rather lonely there.

I went up to the new gay bar the other evening. It’s the Green Room at The Wheatsheaf in Goldhawk Road. Mind you I wouldn’t like to live in Shepherds Bush, give me Brixton anytime. But I had a nice time there. I thought it would be a little quiet, but it was really busy. And lovely people too. The night I was there a few of those nice motorcycle boys were also sampling the delights. They must get cold in this weather, that leather just doesn’t look thick enough to keep them warm. The Green Room has a very pleasant atmosphere, and I love those palms. Reminds me of better days before everything went modern and flashy. In my day it was the people who were flashy. They might not have been as affluent, but they always had their flash. I keep on losing track, don’t I? The Green Room will certainly feel my presence again, and a few other times if they keep it as nice and friendly as it is now.

You won’t believe it but guess what I was sent in the post? A couple of introduction cards, one of which wanted me to ‘come as a stranger and leave as a friend’. The establishment where these goings-on happen is The Bristol Suite, ‘the club which is run entirely by the “City Girls”‘. You are supposed to ‘retreat to our intimate Bristol Lounge bar’, for whatever charms they have to offer during your discreet evening. The other card advertised the Burlesque of Berkeley Square. Here they offer you ‘lovely naughty burlesque spots every twenty minutes’, as well as ‘intimate seating’. They have a supply of ‘talkable danceable waitresses’ and are ‘all geared to the taste of the busy Executive who wants to loosen his collar after a day’s work’ and stiffen up a few other things no doubt. Fancy sending such details to me. Must be an error somewhere. In case their pleasures actually appeal to you, both establishments are situated at 14-16 Bruton Place, Berkeley Square, Mayfair W1. This is a line taken from the Burlesque card, ‘luxurious Louis XVI decor… yet casual ambience’. Somebody’s got a poetical dictionary.

Well all, love you and leave you. See you next issue. Julian’s Column will be there for you to grasp some interesting tit bits from. Wrap up warm and don’t trip over any extra large feet at the Bio.

Julian’s Column

Hello dears. I thought I would do something a little different in this issue and have a go at including a few other topics in my regular featurette. It doesn’t mean to say that I have deserted the little Bio, it’s just that the programme there for the next fortnight isn’t very exciting. The goodies that are showing I will mention at the end of my other review.

To begin with though I would like to say a few words about the Larry Grayson album that has been sent me. Then I’d like to describe some of the treats from the Royal Variety Performance that the BBC showed the other week.

Biograph Review

As I said earlier, not much on at the Bio over the next two weeks. But there are a few films worth recommending to you.

On Thursday 16th November, for three days, Borsalino is being shown. Alain Delon and Jean-Paul Belmondo get on very well together and make this super re-construction of an old time gangster movie well worth catching.

Best double bill of the fortnight comes on Thursday 23rd November for three days. The totally gripping Honeymoon Killers is showing with the really scary The House That Dripped Blood. That one, the last time I saw it, scared me so much it almost made my whatnots curdle. The former stars Shirley Stoler and Tony La Bianco, whilst the latter boasts the cream of the British horror brigade, Peter Cushing and Christopher ‘Shut That Church Door’ Lee.

A nice weepie for three days starts on Monday 27th November. Jean Simmons and dishy Leonard Whiting star in Say Hello to Yesterday. I’m sure you will all be interested to know that some of the new location scenes were shot next door to where I live. You could have blown me over with a whisper the morning I came out and found a bus stop had been erected overnight outside my front door, and parked alongside it was a double decker bus. It wasn’t much good to me though, it only went to Regents Park. Oh, I don’t know though. Primrose Hill can be very interesting at times. Anyway the man in the paper shop over the road put me right about what was going on, and saved me from rushing off to have a scream at someone at the local council offices about new bus routes lowering the tone of the neighbourhood.

Remember I was saying in the last issue to watch out for ‘Lily Law’ and her wandering at the Bio. Well, she seems to have got bored and is keeping herself busy somewhere else. Now you can get on with your relaxation without any interference, apart from that silly usherette man who still can’t keep his hands off his flasher. I hope that the batteries of his torch run out soon.

Take care of yourselves, you should have your woolly vests on by now. If you catch a cold now you’ll have it all winter. Bye all.

Everard and All

WHAT A GAY DAYLarry (Shut That Door) Grayson — York Records MYK 602

No doubt you all know about Larry Grayson and the considerable amount of success he has had this year. Firstly there’s that television series of his, and if you believe the television ratings, he’s doing very nicely. Secondly, he had a single record out called, you guessed it, Shut That Door. That too was very popular.

Now he’s brought out a 12” LP record called What A Gay Day. All the old favourites are included, such as Slack Alice, Apricot Lil, Everard, Candlewick Kate, Non-Stick Nell, and Once-A-Week Nora. I’ve met a few ‘slack alices’ in my time so I can sympathise, but Everard sounds devine! There is always room for you at my place, Ev, if that Larry gets on at you too much.

Compared to Mark Fleming, Larry is a little tame. And his album certainly is not going to shock anyone, but if you like his type of humour, this is sure to please.

The Marrow is a bit naughty, although what he’s getting at is fairly obvious. That Larry is a greedy boy.

He also sings a couple of standards – Second Hand Rose and Only A Glass Of Champagne – in his own inimitable way. Stories about all his ills and pains also appear, as well as descriptions of little adventures he’s had. Shut That Door turns up here and there, as well as him doing the original song version.

With Christmas coming up a lot of people will be buying this for their parties and festivities. Larry never goes too far, so Mums, Dads, Aunt Flo’s and the rest are not going to be outraged too much.

Have a listen, you will get a few laughs if you are in the right mood. You wait until I make my record. I’ll show that ‘Gay Day’ Larry a thing or two.

Queens at the Palladium

Well loves, did you see it? Wasn’t it a gorgeous gay event? All the stars were there, and there wasn’t just one queen there either. Apart from HM Queen Elizabeth and The Queen Mother, lovely ladies both of them, there were those pianist lads – Liberace and Elton John – and Danny La Rue looking more fetching than ever. Such stunning gowns he wears!

Liberace’s wardrobe was as fabulous as ever and he was changing his creations every two minutes. Someone forgot to light his candles though. He had a little competition from Elton, who seemed bent on showing from where he gets his fashion inspirations.

Danny was up to his usual standard and he did some sexy numbers with the chorus boys.

Of the rest of the stars Jack Jones and comedienne Carol Channing were superb, and Carol’s little piece with Liberace was very amusing. The Jackson Five were delightful. I couldn’t keep my eyes off that boy Michael Jackson. Knows his showbiz that kid. Particularly of note was Roy Hull and his Emu, who kept me in stitches throughout his act.

A very enjoyable show and such a regal evening.

Return Of The Biograph Review

Hello dears. As I said in my brief note in the last edition of this ‘Times’ of the other world, I thought that there was a good chance that I would be able to carry on with my Biograph Review. Well, everything went according to my little plan, and here we are with a sparkling new feature on the Bio.

No thanks either to Mr Wheelan, the cinema’s manager. Luckily for me my friends at the ‘Times’ and the ‘Observer’ have helped me overcome the problem of obtaining the forthcoming programme. Thank you boys, I’ll settle up with you later, at my place. I sincerely hope that Mr Wheelan turns a colour when he sees this, serves him right for being such a big meanie.

Before I commence with my review, I must unfortunately offer fans of the Bio a word of warning. Recently our ‘friends in blue’ have been visiting our little Bio and making a considerable nuisance of themselves. Goodness knows why, I’ve never seen anything going on there that would startle me. Mind you, I have occasionally been given a turn by the size of some people, however they manage to sit down in those little wooden seats I just don’t know. To be serious though, I suppose the ‘guardians of the law’ have nothing better to do. Maybe now that the weather has become chilly, the criminals aren’t committing so many robberies, or else ‘lily law’ is feeling the cold a little too much and wants an excuse for a warm up. Anyway dears, take care. Better to be safe than sorry I always say, so keep a watchful eye open even if you are totally captivated by the delights showing.

Back to the silver screen. On 2nd November for three days, Marlon Brando and Richard Boone star in Night Of The Following Day. Lovely actors, both of these men, and they perform well together in this moving film. Support is our own Kenneth Williams, ably assisted by Phil Silvers, in Follow That Camel. It sounds rather rude but Ken should make it interesting enough to watch.

Sunday 5th November, for one day only, has Burt Lancaster, being ever so hulky, in a western called The Scalphunters. He shares the credits with super Shelley ‘Bloody Momma’ Winters. The naughty and puzzling My Wife’s Husband completes the bill. French comedy star Fernandel and Clair Maurier are the principal actors. A good laugh if you like a bit of the continentals. It’s also Bonfire Night this Sunday, but if you ask me, it is a lot safer to be in a cinema than taking part in the Gay Fawkes celebrations. I like a good bang like anybody else, but I feel a lot better about it if I know that the fireworks are only in responsible hands.

The shocking, but thought-provoking Soldier Blue is the major attraction for three days on Monday 6th November. The beautiful Candice Bergen and luscious Peter Strauss star in this violent saga from the ‘old west’. Second feature is Charro, which is one of those forgettable movies made by Elvis Presley. But his hips are still a treat.

The truly underrated Downhill Racer, starring Robert Redford and Gene Hackman is one half of the programme on Thursday 9th November. That Robert Redford, ooh! It’s a skiing epic with a moral or two. Jack Lemmon and Sandy Dennis are together in The Out Of Towners, which is also being shown. I haven’t seen this before but it sounds fun.

Sunday fare on 12th November is Operation Kid Brother, starring Neil Connery. It’s nothing very special, but the support feature, Trunk To Cairo is much more interesting. Two recently deceased movie stars, Audie Murphy and George Sanders are in the leading roles. The film is an exciting thriller.

The double bill of the fortnight is on Monday 13th November, when Carnal Knowledge and Catch 22 are being shown. The former stars sexy Jack Nicholson and the latter, Orson Welles. A very generous programme this, if not a little exhausting.

Well, my lovelies, that is what’s in store for you during the next couple of weeks at the Bio. Mind you heed what I mentioned earlier. I’ll let you know when things get back to ‘normal’. And I hope that none of you, including Mr Wheelan, think I have been too malicious with my words.

Before I go, thanks for all your letters, some of you are ever so kind. I might take some of you up on your offers too, but I’m rather busy still with the person I spent my recent holiday with. Love you all though.

STOP PRESS: The Biograph Review.

Dear lovely people, in case you were wondering what had become of your Jules, I’m having a little holiday with a beautiful individual I met the other day. And I didn’t meet him at you know where, so there!

There is a very good chance now that the Bio Review will be back to normal in the next issue of this startling paper. Till then take special care of yourselves. Wrap up warm, it’s getting cold at night now. Julian D Grinspoon

Last of the Biograph?

Is this the last Biograph Review? Why was there no Bio Review in GN No 7? What has happened to Julian? Has Julian contravened the Obscenity Laws or sold out to Lord Longford? Has the Bio turned the lights off?

These and other unasked questions will be answered by Julian in his following article, which could possibly be his return and his departure!

Oh loves, you won’t believe it! Your own dear Julian has been nobbled. I’ve been interfered with by forces out of my control. And it’s all very nasty I can tell you. In fact I will tell you. Here’s what has been happening to yours truly.

Those of you who have been wise enough to buy this delightful publication since it first appeared will no doubt have regularly noticed, if not read, this little feature of mine called the Biograph Review.

It was written in the hope of communicating to you some of the pleasures I have enjoyed at that little cinema. Or my little haven as I used to call it. I also, so you wouldn’t be quite so much in the dark about some of the more glorious celluloid creations they often show there, provided details and reminders about what’s on and when. I also passed a comment or two about past and future showings, and said the occasional word about the comforts to be found in the Bio.

And now and again I’ve been a little critical about either the films or the running of the cinema. Remember what I had to say about torch flashing.

Well, after thrilling you for six issues of this paper – and drawn a few comments I’d rather forget from some of you – it came to the time when I had to phone Mr Wheelan, manager of the Bio, to get the information I needed to write my review for the next issue.

When I got through to Mr W, the reception I recieved wasn’t quite the one I had anticipated. His greeting was somewhat curt, to say the least, and when I asked him for the forthcoming programme I was told that he felt he would rather not have the Bio mentioned or written about by me in this paper. Well you could have knocked me down with a half empty packet of Boots cotton wool. When I had gathered myself together I ventured to ask why he had taken such a turn towards me. To this I was told that he considered my writings to be malicious. Oh, that hurt – me, sweet little Jules, accused of maliciousness. I’ve had a few things said about me in my time, but that one takes the cake and eats it.

By this time, I might say, I was beginning to get a little cross, but not wanting to make the situation worse, I calmed myself down, and bravely and charmingly tried to find out what specifically was upsetting him so. But he wouldn’t say much more, apart from again stating that he considered the aims of my writings to be malicious towards his cinema, and that I didn’t realise that his establishment was for the benefit and pleasure of all. I replied that I had seen ladies there, but also had heard stories about the trouble they sometimes caused. I also reminded him that it was patrons like myself who not only made him his bread and butter, but also helped to put a fair portion of jam on top of it.

But he wasn’t interested in anything I had to say. Even reminding him further of the free advertising I gave the Bio (as well as the full programme being advertised in the paper) came to no avail.

So Julian’s been sabotaged. My career as a respected cinema critic has had its roots pulled up. I don’t quite know, at the time of writing, what I can do about the situation. If you feel strongly about your Jules being censored, I suggest you give Mr ‘Bio’ Wheelan a ring at his cinema (01-834 1624) or at his office (01-493 8771-3), and tell him exactly what you think of him and his dirty trick on me.

I do have a little plan about how I can get the information needed to write my piece, but have no guarantee that it will be successful.

It has been suggested by my editors that I move on to other and better things to write about. Maybe restaurants or fashion – it has even been recommended that I take on the task of reviewing the new 45 RPM single records. I would much rather continue with the Bio Review though, but even if I don’t (or can’t) your Julian will come up with something super to titillate you with.

I might add that my mind’s been in turmoil for the past couple of weeks. I was so sorry about letting down all you people who had taken a liking to my column. But let me say this, being nobbled isn’t easy, as some of you must surely know, especially after a certain age, but that’s another story, isn’t it?

Just bare with me for a little while, Julian isn’t beaten yet. Take care of yourselves dears. Flowers care of this paper’s office please.

ED. Will Julian come bouncing back? Watch this space in our next issue for the continuing saga of adorable Jules. He’s a wise and canny old bird really, so there should be more goodies in store for you all. RIP little Bio. Kill the crabs.

Biograph Review

19720901-09Hi, kiddo’s, hope you are all well and are making the best of the Summer. Time flies doesn’t it, I just can’t believe this is issue No. 6 of this lovely paper, and that yours truly still hasn’t run out of words. But there is so much happening, isn’t there?

Mind you, some people get it better than others. Here I am slaving away week in, week out, seeing all those films at the Bio, then having to write my little piece about what films are showing in the future. And of course I have my own little life to lead as well. But as I was saying, some people certainly do have it better than others. That David Seligman gets all the invites to the press showings of new films and I haven’t even had it suggested to me that I might like to try my hand at previews. It’s not fair. You get drinkies and goodies after the press showings as well, and you can rub shoulders with all those famous reviewers like Alexander ‘upyours-Ken-Russell’ Walker and Dilys ‘ever-so-arty’ Powell.

I do hear though that there will be a ticket for me to see the trade showing of Tales from the Crypt. What an honour.

You wouldn’t believe it would you, but people are still bitching me about my Bio column. Look dears, you don’t have to read me if you don’t want to. Julian knows your sort. Why don’t you just turn straight to the personal ads page and leave me to do my thing in peace. We all know that you miseries who are always complaining about this and that in this paper only buy it for the personal ads anyway.

Now for all you dears who like to be informed about what’s on at our own little haven, the Bio, here’s the run-down on what’s showing during the next couple of weeks.

A very saucy and thrilly bunch of celluloid goodies they are too. On Thursday 7th September, for three days, the main feature is Baby Love, starring Ann Lynn and Linda Hayden. It’s all about this young lady who manages to have ‘intimate’ relationships with every member of a family household. Best of luck girl, I say. I’d do the same myself if I got the chance It’s a load of rubbish but it’s fun. A fast moving outdoor action film called The Hell Benders completes the programme. It stars Joseph Cotton, who is bent on showing his years of experience in the movie industry.

Peking Medallion is the film showing on Sunday 10th September. This stars Robert Stack and Elke Sommer, and is an exciting spy thriller. Support is Cosa Nostra — Arch Enemy of the F.B.I. with Efrem Zimbalist Jnr. and Walter Pidgeon in the cast. Efrem is of course star of The F.B.I. series currently being shown on the commercial television channels. The film is about the F B.I.’s struggle against the dreaded Mafia, and as we all know the struggle is still going on against that insidious criminal disease, which unfortunately is still growing all the time.

Monday 11th September, for three days, has Fragment of Fear as top of the bill. David Hemming and super Flora Robson are the stars, and the film is quite a good thriller. Second feature is Run Virgin Run which sounds very naughty. Personally I stopped running a long time ago, but apparently the leading lady in this soft-porn epic, Helga Tolle, is still on the move. Don’t hold much hope for her in this day and age.

Alex Cord and Brin Eckland (Peter Sellers’ ex-wife) perform together in Stiletto on Thursday 14th September. This is another thriller and not a particularly memorable one at that. Also showing is A Time for Giving, which marks the return of David Jansen to the Bio’s screen. And I leave it to your imaginations to guess at what David is giving.

Sunday fare on 17th September is Naked Runner, supported by Countdown. The former stars the ageing, now retired, playboy Frank Sinatra (he’s reputedly a few other things too but I’d get myself sued if I mentioned them). The film is worth watching if you have nothing better to do. The latter features James Cann, and I believe it’s a thriller. Incidentally, Frank Sinatra has been in the news recently for two reasons, firstly because of the fortune he spent on a successful hair graft operation and also because he has had to give evidence at an enquiry into Mafia business activities in America.

Do you Want to Remain a Virgin Forever? is sure to intrigue us all on Monday 18th September. I know I couldn’t wait to lose my little rosebud. It makes me feel old trying to remember with whom I overcame that difficulty, does it you? Legend of the Witches is support feature. This is a documentary featuring self-styled King of the Witches, Alex Sanders. The film in fact is a boring tit-bum-and-thingy saga, purporting to let you know the inside story of the witchcraft cult in this country. Yawn, yawn, where’s another thingy to look at please.

Well, dears, that’s it for this issue. Must go now, I’m having a drink with one of the gentlemen from Bona News Service. Don’t forget though, give yourselves a treat and have a little relax in the gloom at our haven at Victoria. Take care.

The Biograph, Wilton Road, Victoria, London SW1.

Thursday 7th September
Baby Love : X : Ann Lynn & Linda Hayden
The Hell Benders : X : Joseph Cotten

Sunday 10th September
Peking Medallion : A : Robert Stack & Elka Sommer
Cosa Nostra – Arch Enemy Of The F.B.I. : A: Efrem Zimbalist Jnr. & Walter Pidgeon.

Monday 11th September
Fragment Of Fear : A A : David Hemming & Flora Robson
Run Virgin Run : X : Helga Tolle

Thursday 14th September
Stiletto : X : Alex Cord & Britt Ekland
A Time For Giving : A : David Jannsen

Sunday 17th September
Naked Runner : U : Frank Sinatra Countdown : U : James Cann

Monday 18th September
Do You Want To Remain A Virgin Forever? : X :
Legend Of The Witches : X :

Biograph review

Last issue Julian was a little peeved, in this one he’s as cross and annoyed as someone with piles in Tangiers. Ooh, those silly people at Gay News who are responsible for the pasting up of the paper. No doubt you know what I’m talking about, just in case you don’t, take a look at my last Bio review and see what those naughty people did with it. The beginning is alright, but the second paragraph is a passage from the middle of my piece, the paragraph that ties in with my opening is somewhere in the middle, and my review of the first films showing that fortnight somehow ends up at the end of the whole article.

I will have to forgive them I suppose, especially after giving me an absolutely divine lettering for Biograph Review. And that little illustration of my favourite bag at the end by my signature is very nice. One wonders what else of my personal attire will end up there. So ‘boys’ and ‘girls’ of Gay News, watch, or else Julian will do a number of you, know what I mean ‘loves’.

05-197208xx-9Now let me tell you of the films showing at the end of August and at the beginning of September at our little haven, the Biograph. On Thursday 24th August, for three days. Jean Seberg (lovely lady) and David Jannsen star together in Macho Callahan. God knows what this is about. I’ve never heard of it, and even I can’t think of something witty to say about it Macho Maudling perhaps? Support feature is Rider On The Rain, an exciting thriller, if the beloved Bio staff can manage to get the reels in the correct order. I wonder if anyone would notice though? The cast of this little beauty are Charles Bronson and Marlene Jobert.

Sunday 27th August is Western Sunday at the Bio. Henry Fonda pops up again, ably supported by James Stewart (what a man!), in Firecreek, whilst Stewart Granger (another old man of the West) stars in Flaming Frontier. If you’re into cowboys, this is for you.

When Dinosaurs Ruled The Earth with Patrick Allen and Victoria Vetri is showing for three days commencing on Monday 28th August. Times have changed, it’s my friend who thinks he rules earth now, and me especially. But I like it. Really though, it’s a super film if you like that sort of thing. Hammer films produced this historic piece. Also showing is Me,Me,Me And The Others What others? Gina (don’t say it when you’re tipsy) Lollobrigida and Walter Chiari are the principle actors in this bit of nonsense.

Thursday 31st August, for three days, has The People Next Door and C.C. And Company playing together. Well they might. Eli Wallach and Julie Harris do their thing in the former, whilst Ann-Margret (again) and Joe Namath perform together in the latter. Both portray middle-class America, are made by middle-class Americans, for middle-class Americans. Sure you’ll love them dears.

Treats on Sunday 3rd September for us. Richard (throb) Egan stars in Chubasco. But even more thrilly is another appearance by Rod Taylor, this time in Hotel. Rod shares acting credits with his friend Melvyn Douglas, and have they got their claws sharpened!

Sunflower, with Sophia Loren and Marcello Mastrioianni (Fellini’s friend), is showing for three days starting Monday 4th September. Not such a bad film, it certainly hasn’t deserved the limited screenings it has had so far. One up for the Bio. Support is An Eye For An Eye starring Robert Lansing, who lances his way through this second feature attempted thrill-maker. Good B movie, ideal companion for the rather soft main feature.

Future delights at the Bio in early September are the ‘wicked’ Baby Love, and Cosa Nostra – Arch Enermy Of The F.B.I., with our old friend from Burke’s Law (remember?) Efrem Zimbalist Jnr. in the starring role.

Before I leave you let me say “knickers” to Mr. Copeland and his sergeant-at-arms Mr.Nespit (or something like that). Seriously though, please gentlemen don’t take things so seriously, everything can be fun, really. And please Gay News staff try and get my para’s in the right order (no offence soldier). Bye for now loves.

Ed. Did you notice Julian’s deliberate mistake?

Thursday 24th August
Macho Callahan : AA : David Jannsen & Jean Seberg
Rider On The Rain : AA : Charles Bronson & Marlene Jobert

Sunday 27th August
Firecreek : A : James Stewart & Henry Fonda
Flaming Frontier : U : Stewart Granger

Monday 28th August
When Dinosaurs Ruled The Earth : A : Patrick Allen & Victoria Vetri
Me, Me, Me And The Others : A : Walter Chiari & Gina Lollobrigida

Thursday 31st August
The People Next Door : X : Eli Wallach & Julie Harris
C.C. And Company : X : Ann-Margret & Joe Namath

Sunday 3rd September
Chubasco : A : Richard Egan
Hotel : A : Rod Taylor & Melvyn Douglas

Monday 4th September
Sunflower : A : Sophia Loren & Marcello Mastrioianni
Eye For An Eye : A : Robert Lansing Thursday 7th September
Baby Love : X : Ann Lynn & Linda Hayden
The Hell Benders : X : Joseph Cotten

The Biograph,
Wilton Road, Victoria, SW1.


04-197208XX 09Hello all, it’s your Julian again. A rather cross Julian this issue I’m afraid. Now I know not all of you are interested in my reviews from the heart, but you don’t have to be nasty about them. If you knew the effort involved, and the expense. I know the Biograph isn’t the most expensive of cinemas, but with the amount of visits I pay it, the money soon mounts up. Not that it’s just a question of money, it really is hard work spending so many hours in that cinema. Which brings me back to why I’m a little peeved.

On Sunday 13 August the celebrated transvestite Tony Curtis performs in the explicitly titled Not With My Wife You Don’t. Wouldn’t want to dear, would you? Support is First to Fight with all-American boy Dean Jagger (no relations to the Queen of the pop world) in featured positions throughout the film.

Alan ‘Swoon’ Bates and the grand-daddy of the theatre Lawrence Olivier are the stars of Three Sisters on Monday 14 August I haven’t seen this before, and at the time of writing I can’t quite see why so many men are in a film with such a title. Maybe they are doing impersonations. Lex Barker is startling, to those who like that sort of thing, in the programme’s second feature, Wild Kurdistan, an epic from the East.

Hulk John Wayne and Forrest Tucker (star of many a memorable second feature horror movie) appear together in Chisum on Thursday 17 August. This is a notable failure, with everyone just trying to prove how butch they are. and we all know pear old John Wayne’s acting capabilities aren’t that good. What they are showing as support feature seems as if it will be much better, it’s another of those lovely motorcycle films by the sound of it. The film in question is Dirty Angels with Lino Capolicchio in a starring role.

The biggest treat of all in the next fortnight at the Bio is showing on Sunday 20 August. Liz Taylor and Richard Burton play happy families in Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf. Even if you have seen this before I recommend you to see it again. Those of you with acid tongues can certainly pick up a few tips from Miss Taylor’s performance in this epic of domestic bliss.

Also showing is Seven Golden Men. That really sounds a goody, and it has also missed my attention in the past, even though it sounds just the type of film that I would like.

Monday 21 August has womaniser of note, Rod Taylor, gallantly supported by Carol White, together in The Man Who Had Power Over Women. It’s not just women that Mr. Taylor has power over, to judge audiences’ reactions at the Bio in the past. Ann-Margaret, the lady who tried to show Elvis Presley a thing or two till she realised that he wasn’t interested, is featured female lead in the second half of the programme, The Tiger and The Pussycat. She is ably supported by Vittoria Gassman from Battersea.

Future attractions include When Dinosaurs Ruled The Earth and Rod Taylor in Hotel. What a super name he has, so straight to the point. And if one believes the rumours……

As you all know, a new paper just as this can do with all the mentions in the rest of the press that it it can get So when I heard that OZ had given us a little write up I was pleased to say the least. In fact I was going round to see their staff to give them all a big kiss of gratitude. But once I had read their piece I changed my mind. They certainly would get more than a kiss now. I believe a gentleman named Felix the Dennis was responsible for the piece they printed, and although he was full of praise for the rest of the newspaper, he had a little go at yours truly. Was I mad! Let me tell you Felix, my tongue is usually everywhere else except in my cheeks, and I don’t quite see how a useful guide to entertainment smacks of sad old magazines and coy innuendos. I just describe what I see and say what I think. I know I’m not (quite) another Alexander Walker but I try me best. If Julian manages to miss something because of his Biograph indulgences, well all I can say is that even I (after years of practice mind you) am not as perfect as I might like to be But I mustn’t go on about my grumbles. See you in the Bio Felix.

Hasn’t it been hot lately? Really not the sort of weather for the cinema some may say. Generally though one finds cinemas somewhat cooler than outside, unfortunately not at the Biograph. The temperature in that establishment always seems to be on the up.

Minor point. Dear Bio management, it’s nice to know that you care about your clientele. But is it really necessary to pop round so often with your little cans of air-freshener. Such an unsuitable fragrance too, better kept for the convenience I would have thought. It’s nice to know that you worry about us, but do please try aiming the cans in the air and not at the height our heads are at. Ruins ones ice or lolly.

August has some interesting films showing at the Bio. To start with on Thursday 10 August Brother John, with Sidney Poitier is on the screen, with Brotherhood of Satan as support. The latter stars L.W. Jones and Strother Martin in the leading roles. This black magic saga scared me half to death the first time I saw it.

For The Biograph programme see Classifieds Page 11.

Biograph Review

03-197207XX-07Hello dears, here I am again, to tell you all about future delights and titilations in store for you all at the Biograph.

But first let me tell you a bit about the little holiday I had in Paris last week. It was seven days of blissful relaxation in that beautiful city. Mind you, a couple of odd things did happen. An acquaintance had told me about a cinema I might enjoy whilst over in Paris, saying that I would hardly be able to tell the difference between the jolly old Bio and the place he was recommending. The cinema is called the Mexico and it is in the Porte St Martin quarter. So on the second day of my stay I paid it my first visit.

Very nice too it was. Just like home. Lots of nice re-runs, ever so crowded too. It really was amazing how the Mexico’s clientele were so similar to London’s equivilant. Same familiar strange habits too. It possibly has something to do with its close proximity to the Gare du Nord, as I sometimes feel the nearness of Victoria plays an important part in the restlessness of the clientele of the Biograph.

At the Mexico, they provide a rest room just to the left under the screen, supposedly for people who do not want to strain their eyes for long periods. (Very thoughtful, why not follow their example Bio management.) I tried to get in, but it was so dark and crowded that I soon gave up. Of course, when I got back to my seat someone had pinched it. Cheeky! Nice place generally though, if you can take the Bio’s strange diversions to begin with. After the Bio it made a nice home from home.

Nearly had a nasty incident at a convenience near the Gare de Lyon. I had had, I’m sorry to admit dears, one or two Pernods too many one evening, and was dying to relieve myself. So I eventually found this strange looking iron convenience, but what a queue there was I waited nearly half-an-hour, and was I hopping, and with my best Take 6 trendy suit on too. Anyway, there I was waiting when suddenly the whole place was alive with Gendarmes, who rudely pushed through the small crowd, and into the metal pre-war mausoleum, reappearing a few moments later with a handcuffed bunch of extremely distraught citizens. Well how would you like to be interrupted? Whatever they were up too I don’t know, if anything at all other than Nature’s callings, but I suppose there must be some Parisian by law that states how long you can stay in one place. The only good to come out of the incident was the thrill of having a Gendarme standing guard outside of the place when I finally managed to gain access.

Enough of my ramblings though, what you want is my thoughts on future delights playing at the Bio. Whilst I was away I missed seeing that little angel Michael York in Zepplin. As I said before, not much of a film but I could watch Michael for hours as he does his little thing on the screen. Another goody I missed was The Rise and Rise of Michael Rimmer. Strange surname don’t you think? Please write to me care of this paper if you can throw any light on what it means. Julian’s intrigued.

Anyway, back to the coming treats that are in store for us all. On Thursday 27 July Jealousy, Italian Style with Monica Vitti is showing, along with The Buttercup Chain with little Jane Asher and that dish Hywell Bennett. The latter is a little charm, with both the stars performing well together.

Sunday fare on 30th July has Paul Newman impressing in that exciting thriller Moving Target. I’ve seen this twice before and it still sends shivers down my, excuse me, spine. To tell the truth though, I’ve always been a little ‘biassed’ towards Paul Newman. Support is the instantly forgetable In a Colt’s Shadow.

Charge Up The Light Brigade shows for three days commencing on Monday 31st July. Stiff upper-lip Trevor Howard and gorgeous Vanessa Redgrave play leading roles in this historical epic, complete with surprises such as the occassional animated sequences. Not a bad picture, well worth a visit. Support is Loving, which I haven’t seen before. I shall pass no comment for now and will hope for the best.

That lovely little boy, David Bradley appears in Kes on Thursday 3rd August. Such a nice boy, even though I couldn’t understand a word he was saying when I saw this previously. The Last Warrior is the second feature, with weather beaten Anthony Quimm showing all he’s got to offer, as an actor that is.

Dear old Henry Fonda acts his heart out in Big Deal at Dodge City on Sunday 6th August. They don’t make westerns like this anymore. Lots of action, guns blazing and men dropping their like flies. Two for The Guillotine is also on the bill. Connie Stevens and Cesar Romero are the actors who find themselves in this rather queer situation. I do love that Connie Stevens, do you remember her from that interminable TV series on the commercial channel a few years ago? Exquisite little voice she used to have.

Henry Fonda turns up again in There Was A Crooked Man on Monday 7th August. Wonder what the title means? Bent goings on no doubt. I must make a point of seeing this as I have missed it at past showings at the Bio. Kirk Douglas plays with Henry in this drama.

Before I leave you let me just say a word about a couple of future attractions. Brotherhood of Satan, followed a few days later by Not With My Wife You Don’t, which features drag star Tony Curtis, are forthcoming goodies not to be missed.

Bonjour and Bonne Nuit for now. Love and Kisses to you all.

For The Biograph programme see Classifieds Page 11.