We don’t fit in — either with the gay or with the “straight” (hetero) communities. Both seem to regard us as some kind of freak. It seems as if it’s OK for us to love/fuck either women or men but not both. We know about the oppression of gays from personal experience and then we get into a women’s lib book (especially “Sisterhood is Powerful” — ed. Robin Morgan, Vintage books V-539 — probably the easiest to read and not so likely to bog down a new reader to the subject) and discover (if we don’t already know it) that we, bisexual males, are oppressing our ladies in the same way that society oppresses us/them.
The rest of this article will be written in the first person singular. I’d like to write ‘we’ all the way through, but everybody’s experiences are different (as are their attitudes, degree of gayness, etc, etc.)
My first problem is recognising the degree of my gayness. If I overdo the gayness, I lose my hetero love(s). So I can only come out to a certain degree, and if that certain degree isn’t enough I have to repress all my gayness which leaves me lonelier and angry with myself and with society for creating the situation in which I have to be either one or the other. I want my bread buttered on both sides, but can’t find the butter knife and so I just have bread and man cannot live on bread alone. Sometimes, from the looks I get from both sexes, it seems as if another Hitler movement’s starting. I should describe myself as a fur-coated, nail-varnished “hippie” for want of a better word, especially as somebody yelled ‘Bloody kinky hippie” after me about half an hour ago).
So what can I do? Become a radical gay and fight my oppression whilst at the same time knowing that I too am an oppressor? Everybody must come together – the gay movements (ALL OF THEM), the women’s movement, the black movement, the freak movement. Most of us (the above, not just bisexuals) are seeking reforms, either of laws or of society, and we probably can’t make it on our own. We’ve got to compromise on some things, and yet on others we agree.
Most of us want the removal of all forms of oppression – the break-up of the family, different or no politicians, the removal of the power of the church and less pollution so we can survive to see the things that we’re prepared to fight for.
The problem with revolutionary tracts is that there’s never any solution to the problems that cause the dissent in the first place. What’s the use of bombing buildings that can be used for a better purpose? Why use violence except in self-defence? Why don’t demonstrators prepare themselves for clubs and tear gas? Water cannons and rubber bullets are more difficult to overcome, but everybody can buy crash helmets and army surplus gas masks. I’m not trying to be a leader, or even an active revolutionary (at the moment at least) I just want people to think.
How do I see the future of society? Basically a non-capitalist society, money can be abolished if there is, at first, a system of credit control (people could go mad collecting everything they’ve dreamed of). Money can be done away with later. But all these things are minor compared with the immediate tasks. The actual state of “the nation” can be discussed and formulated at a later date, if and when people get themselves together. I’m neither a politician nor an economist, so there may be people better “qualified” than myself to get this together.
My thoughts at the moment are those of re-education. People must learn not to despise gays. Gays and ‘straights’ need equal opportunities for loving and making love. Both gays and straights must start to accept bisexuals, like me. Everybody has a degree of gayness which they are taught to repress – at least at my school. Active gays, when discovered, were publicly denounced by the boys and occasionally by the teachers. I had my first gay experience at school and because of public opinion have had to repress my gayness for the last nine or ten years. I’ve been shocked when approached by gays in the street, because I’ve repressed my gayness and they haven’t had to.
Ladies must learn that bisexuality is not wrong. There’s nothing bad about it. I had to denounce gays for nine months during one relationship with an American who hated “those queers”. Perhaps you, the readers, despise me for this, perhaps you know what it’s like to tell somebody you fancy that you are gay/bisexual and to be disliked/hated for it.
In my gay moments I must stop thinking of guys as sex objects and in my straight ones I must stop thinking of ladies in the same way. As the Virginia Slims ad in the States might say, “I’ve come a long way”, but I’m not there yet. I need to regard everybody as people. Men women and kids are all equal and vet we’re all taught to discriminate: “A man cannot love another man”, “A woman’s place is in the home”, “Oh, he’s just a kid”. We must stop thinking in terms of sex and age, forget the ads, be ourselves, not what others (society) want us to be.
To reduce this to a personal note, I’d like to see the break-up of the nuclear family and become part of a group one. My idea of perfection is four (at least, but preferably an even number, ie 2, 3 or 4 couples) living together, in an interchangeable bisexual relationship. The problem that I’ve come across in trio group relationships is that one person is liable to feel left out at times and so become jealous. That’s not a good idea, because the jealousy becomes fed back into the group and causes more dissent and hence the jealousy and bad feelings grow.
Before anything can be done to society in general, we shall all have to get our personal lives together. If it means breaking a few laws, that’s our problem. Eventually we’ll have no laws to break. All the repressive laws, church teachings and Mary Whitehouse/Councillor Kidd ideas will be broken. I suggest to all bisexuals that they leave their suburban homes and come out.
We can do something when we’re united. Perhaps you’re afraid that your wives/girl-friends will desert you (or come to that your husbands/boyfriends or any combination of the four). Don’t worry, you can fall in love more freely with others when you don’t need the ties of marriage/domesticity to keep you happy. If every Gay/Woman/Black/Freak went on strike our joint proposals for a new society would have to be listened to. If we all struck, we’d include the army, police and politicians, nothing could stop us being heard.
Perhaps some bisexuals don’t regard themselves as being gay. I know that I do and despite the fact that I don’t fit in with the communities of gays or ‘straights’, I find that I can co-operate with both.
I’m not suggesting a Bisexual Liberation Front, nor just a united Gay Force, I’m saying that all of us who are oppressed (and some of the oppressors, as all males involved in a male/female relationship oppress the females) must unite to get something done.
I’d like to hear from anybody with views on the oppression of bisexuals or getting all groups in favour of restructuring society together, but I can’t promise to write back unless you enclose a stamped addressed envelope (I can barely afford paper and biros) and can’t be prompt in answering if many people write. Let’s all get together and try to do something for once, it’d make a change from sitting on our arses and just talking.
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