A Queen’s Christmas Message

My husband and I, at this time of year, are glad to be able to pass on to you all our best wishes. As I lie here on our snake-skin rug in front of a blazing row, I like to think of you all at your hearthsides wearing see-through tulle and figure-hugging mini-briefs.

This, above all, is a time of year, when we think of our dark-skinned friends with their enormous attributes in the Commonwealth. We must also think of our yellow-skinned friends, who make such a charming addition to any soiree – well Keith certainly thinks so.

On our recent tour of Canada I was very touched. Up to Christmas we have been very busy with official visits to King William IV of Hampstead, The Royal Court, High Wycombe Air Base, and the Earls Court Wimpy House. We are proud to report that the general spirits of the Great British Public are high and the economy of picking-up is improving.

We have not cheapened ourselves, we are merely making inroads into Europe, as we come closer in our hearts to delightful butch Danes and the people of Marseilles.

Anyway, must close now darlings, Keith’s just come back in – and I do mean in. Love to you all and to all the ‘members’ of the Commonwealth.

Love and kisses,

Keith and ‘Brenda’

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